The Independent Uganda: You get the Truth we Pay the Price
COMMENT | CONSTANCE KICONCO | Last week’s parenting article “Uganda’s Entitled Generation” led to deep conversations and a Zoom session with the Rotary Club family here in Kampala. One big question stood out: “How do we build a lasting family culture that shapes our children’s values in today’s noisy world?”
If we don’t shape our children’s values intentionally, the world will—and usually not for the better.
This guide offers practical, Ugandan-rooted wisdom for raising children of character.
1️⃣ Define Your Core Values
Ask: What does our family stand for? Write down your values—like faith in God, honesty, hard work, respect, kindness, purity, service. Talk about them often. Let them guide how you live. If children don’t hear and see values at home, they’ll absorb whatever the world shouts loudest.
2️⃣ Walk the Talk
Children don’t just listen—they watch. *If you lie to a police officer or speak harshly to the house help, that’s the lesson they absorb*. Celebrate moments when values are lived out. Apologize when you fall short.
_One of my counselees told me he dropped out of school after his parent’s public scandal made him the target of ridicule. “I couldn’t face my classmates,” he said._
*Practice what you preach—or change the topic*.
“_A father once told his son: ‘Be careful where you walk.’ The son replied, ‘You be careful. I follow in your footsteps_.’”
Your example isn’t just influence—it’s a path they’re walking.
3️⃣ Turn Daily Life into a Classroom
Use family conflicts, movies, or news to ask:
🔹 “What value was tested?”
🔹 “What do we believe?”
🔹 “What would you have done?”
These short conversations build strong moral thinking.
4️⃣ Let Them Feel the Values
Don’t just talk—live it. Visit the sick, let them do chores, serve the needy together. Children remember what they feel. A child who experiences compassion will carry that forever.
5️⃣ Rules Should Reflect Values, Not Just Control
Instead of “Don’t watch that,” say: “We protect our minds because we value purity.”
When rules are broken, ask:
🔸 “What value did this go against?”
🔸 “What can you do differently?”
You’re raising conscience, not robots.
6️⃣ Allow Choice and Ownership
Eventually, they must own their values. Let them question, wrestle, and choose. Say, “We believe these are true, but you must live them by choice.” Forced values fade. Chosen values last.
7️⃣ *Watch the Influences Around Them*
They’re shaped by school, friends, media, relatives and church. Choose these wisely. Sometimes kids won’t say what’s wrong—they’ll just ask to change schools or avoid places. Listen closely. Build a value-supporting environment.
8️⃣ Use Mistakes to Teach
When they lie, fight, or fail—don’t just punish. Reflect with them:
🔹 “Why did it happen?”
🔹 “What did it cost you?”
🔹 “What will you do next time?”
Handled well, failure becomes their turning point.
9️⃣ Let Them Make Decisions
Start small. Let them choose chores or take part in family choices. Many of us over-parent. Kids can’t learn to lead if they’re never allowed to try.
🔟 Create Value-Driven Experiences
Let them host guests, serve in church, visit the needy, apologize when wrong. Values stick through action, not just talk.
The Bottom Line:
In a world pushing money, fame, comfort, and rebellion—let your home whisper something deeper. Let your tone, time, love, and discipline reflect what really matters.
“_Adults are like mirrors. They reflect back to a child who they are and who they’re becoming—both identity and future_.”
You’re not just raising a child. You’re raising a future adult. One who will face pressure, temptation, and opportunity. What you build in them today shapes who they become tomorrow.
Final Word:
Uganda doesn’t just need more educated children. We need children of character, conviction, and compassion.
It doesn’t start at school.
🏠 It starts at home.
👨👩👧👦 It starts with you.
*****
Constance Kiconco is a dedicated Child and Adolescent Mental Health Therapist with certifications in: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Child Psychology, Addiction and Substance Abuse Treatment, and Suicide and Violent Behaviour Studies. She has hands-on experience at Mulago Adolescent Clinic, Mulago and Nsambya Hospital T1D clinics, where she provides psychosocial support and counseling to young people facing a range of mental health challenges. Her work is grounded in empathy, structured care, and a passion for emotional wellness and community transformation.
Constance Kiconco (aka) Connie [email protected]
